Asocial Press   Jan 21, 2007 China last week successfully used a missile to destroy an orbiting satellite, U.S. government officials told AP on Thursday. The test could undermine relations with the West and pose a threat to satellites important to the U.S. military. In a bold move, the Whitehouse has declared outer space to be the 53rd U.S. state. In an article by Tyme magazine, Bush was asked "Why 53?". President Bush replied: "That's in addition to Alaska and Iraq".

Asocial Press   Jan 21, 2007 Hillary Clinton launched her bid to return to the White House, promising voters: "I'm in to win". Her husband, ex-president Bill Clinton, was overheard to say: "I'm in two". In a bid to recoup losses incurred by the box office disaster: "Gore takes the Whitehouse", Hollywood producers have already begun advertising their latest film: Whitehouse Blues.

Asocial Press   Jan 30, 2007 Iran's President Ahmadinejad, speaking at the "World Without Zionism" conference, noted that he had recently completed a course in Geography. To his surprise, he found that Iran was almost completely surrounded by countries with Nuclear weapons. When asked about his goals vis-a-vis nuclear weapons, Ahmadinejad replied: "When we take Iraq and complete our own nuclear program, the map will be quite red." Laughing, he added: "Isn't that the colour of American Republicans?"